I’m switching the domain name of this website to michaelwalters.uk over the coming months. I bought it on a whim, but I knew something was brewing, and I was right. I don’t want to lead with my writing persona in public. It’s become a burden. I’m still going to write, but removing the author label frees me up mentally to do other things.

I came across a letter in an old notebook last week. I wrote it in October 2009. It was one of those self-help exercises where you imagine being on your deathbed giving advice to your younger self. It was cheesy in places, but mostly sweet and insightful, for example:

“I was really proud of the quality time I spent with my children. It set them up for joyful, fun lives.”

“Most of the good you will do in your life will be done in relationships.”

“I had most fun making things and working out how things can be made better.”

“There is no such thing as a perfect life, only an engaged one.”

Isn’t that wonderful? What a gift! That’s how I got to be where I am today. I was never interested in climbing the career ladder or making lots of money. I wanted to be sociable, family-orientated and to make things. That’s still true. I’ve been feeling depressed lately at lack of progress in my writing and software careers, but it’s good to remember that I have always chosen my path.

Now the kids have grown up, I can change things up. My mother loved to learn new skills, usually in evening classes at the local college: calligraphy, sign language, glass engraving, embroidery, all sorts of things, and I want more of that energy in my life. She had barely retired when she died at sixty-seven. I’m fifty-two. I want to make smart decisions.

I’ve been having dreams where I’m walking around big old houses that are run down, leaking water or crumbling in some way. We’ve bought them, and they need a lot of work. Mischievous characters help and hinder. The buildings are expansive, often historical, and full of possibilities. In the one I had last night, I wanted to turn one half a house into a school for the arts. Mum would have approved.

Words are not enough. I want to find new ways to express myself. I want to finish more projects. Creative living includes physical health and relationships. I want to feel playful instead of pressured. In these dream spaces, there’s plenty of room for others. I want to see who else I can be. I want to meet new people.

I feel fired up. This is going to take a while to establish. I’m not in a rush. I want to do more of what was in that letter I wrote to myself in 2009. Friends. Interesting projects. Fun!